A light hearted look at daily issues – By Wisdom Mumera.
(News Of The South) -You were just walking down Chinhoyi Street, mid afternoon,
mid-wondering and mid-wary of the reckless kombi drivers, and whilst
you were lost in your wild thoughts, hair has come back.
It’s a miracle. It’s a wonder. It’s an anomaly.
It’s strange but you don’t have time to stand around wondering what
the world is coming to.
Is this the moppy-fur equivalent to the miracle money that others
reaped whilst you lectured about false prophets and the end-time
message?
Hair has suddenly grown back onto your head in the 20 minutes that you
travelled from Kuwadzana to town; or from Westlea to town; or from
Hatfield to town.
20 minutes of a short energetic and adventurous kombi journey from
home to town and the head is already hairy that it now needs a
haircut?
Suddenly you are Kunta Kinte, the black African saddled with
bushy-hair looking for a suppressed people to liberate in the CBD.
Or you are Achebe’s Okonkwo of the nine villages looking for the
reincarnation of Amalinze the Cat to throw over and win platitudes in
Things Fall Apart.
How come you did not feel any new heaviness upon your head as the hair
grew back?
If this is the end of the world where are the white angels with their
silvery trumpets blowing for attention to all the fornicators,
thieves, dictators, bulls-in-china-shop nations and homosexuals in
bearded kisses.
Suddenly hair has grown back onto your head and you did not know it.
You were lost in the thought that you still looked sharp in a suave
Chris Brown cut, with pincer pointed phalluses barbered onto your
cheeks in a middle finger jab to a world clinging to vain
conservatism.
Hair has grown back and it took Barber Christopher Columbus at the
intersection of Chinhoyi and Speke to see it.
If you are a virile young man, you were lost in your own thoughts
wondering why girls love to nearly show the world their breasts, only
to stop at the last button.
Or you were dazzled by a brown face that had black legs.
If you are a grown man, you were wondering when your mother-in-law is
returning to her home in Nyamandlovu after she seems to have taken a
teenage infatuation to Twizza.
Or you were quizzing yourself on the difference between love and the
sterile union that is keeping you tied to some female that birthed out
a brood that looks so much like you.
Then Barber Christopher Columbus was suddenly in your face yelling out:
“Do you need a haircut?’
A haircut? But you left home with very short hair. When did it grown
back again to warrant another cut.
This is impossible.
Normally you love miracles but they seldom happen to you and to
believe that finally it has happened to you in the sunshine-hot middle
of the CBD is too far-fetched.
You can’t stand to ask Barber Christopher Columbus whether he really
sees hair on head as that would draw laughter and other strange stares
from the lineup of vendors arrayed in your sight.
You have to find a mirror real quick and see for yourself this
strange happening where hair has grown back onto your head in 20
minutes.
It’s even strange how you walked all this distance from Copacabana and
never saw your reflection is a shop window, to check about this
strange hair.
“Do you need a haircut brother?’ Barber Christopher Columbus asks
belligerently sensing a new customer in your dazzled expression and
you flee whilst shaking your head
“No”, you mumble back a negative and dash off.
You rush off down the street nearly colliding with a group of school
children wrapped in teenage glee, a fantasy world at their feet and
fathers at their fingertips.
“Are you drunk on Bronco?’ one of them shouts at you but you don’t
have time to answer back.
You have to rush find a mirror and see for yourself what kind of hair
grows back in 20 minutes.
History Lesson for your Death Bed Students
Question 1 “Who discovered hair had grown back on my head?
Answer “Barber Christopher Columbus at the intersection of Speke and Chinhoyi”.
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